I remember sitting in a waiting room while Imma was in therapy last year, watching Lucy play with another little boy whose sister was also in speech, on the verge of an emotional breakdown. (I think the only thing that kept me from losing it was looking up and seeing another mother plucking her eyebrows. How can one cry in the midst of such ridiculousness? But that's another story!) I took out my phone and, in between opening crackers,finding sippy cups and breaking up arguments about who had the toy car first, I posted a status on Facebook that not only spoke exactly what was in my heart but it rang a chord with some of the other mothers I know who have special needs children. It doesn't happen often that I feel I have said exactly what I meant to say and, while I'm sure I could go back and find that post, I will will see if I can replicate the sentiment for you now. While other parents are driving back and forth to soccer practice, rushing around to make sure that the ballet shoes are in the bag, that the PJ's are returned from the sleep-over, that their children get to all of the fun activities they have scheduled, we are sitting and waiting in doctor's offices or therapists waiting rooms. We are driving back and forth, too, but there is no sports bag, no dirty pair of cleats. We worry about weighted vests and security blankets. Some of us can't leave the house without medical supplies. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a friend mention how hectic it is making sure her child gets to practice or to the game and wished so badly to have that specific problem. And I certainly don't mean to offend anyone by saying that because I love hearing about how my friend's children are doing in sports or other activities. I just wish that Imma could do those things, too. At the time, there was no way she could possibly have ever handled an organized sport--I tried gymnastics and we failed miserably--and I was exhausted from driving an hour each way twice a week, sitting in the waiting room for hours on end, and feeling extremely guilty that my baby was playing with another boy who insisted her name was Landon, instead of being at home or at an activity of her own.
It was about that time that I realized I needed a break. I had to have a break. For most of us, being a mommy means you are constantly thinking about or worrying about your children, special needs or not. It has always been that way for me. And we were in the middle of the "Push Towards Kindergarten" I have described in other posts. Imma's behavior was a disaster and I didn't know how I was going to maintain my sanity for the rest of the school year.
So I decided to go on a trip. Without my children. And without my husband. After all, he had to stay with the kids. I took my sister and we went on a short trip to a nearby Bed and Breakfast. It was only two night and it was difficult to leave my family, but it was needed, and quite frankly, earned. We had a wonderful time and when I came back, I was well-rested and ready to conquer another round of therapy and whatever else was to come.
All parents need a break from time to time. Parents with special needs children often feel like they can't afford to take a break. We believe no one else can take care of our children the way that we can. We tell ourselves our children will be uncomfortable, upset, scared. While it's possible that these statements may all be true, that doesn't mean they outweigh our need to have some time for ourselves. And if you can take your spouse with you, that's even better, though we've yet to do that since Imma was about two and we had no idea there was anything different about her. Surely there is a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a close friend who can keep the kids for a night or two while you go somewhere nearby--but not too nearby--just long enough to catch your breath and remember why you love your kids so much in the first place! In fact, if you start reading about parenting special needs children one of the first things you'll find is that nearly every organization will recommend respite time for parents. That's just a fancy way of saying, "Take a break! You are a person, too!"
Now that Imma and I are at the same school, it's even more important for me to take a break from time to time. My husband is very good at letting me have some "me" time, to make tutus or blog, that sort of thing, almost every day, which I appreciate and recommend. My girls are getting older and Imma is getting more independent. Lucy is still very needy, but right now she is a Daddy's Girl so that's helping mamma out in the R & R department.
We are looking into the possibility of starting Imma in t-ball this spring. I work with a wonderful teacher who also coaches and she thinks we should give it a try. I think I might. If she can't do it we can always take her out. But I think she'll like it. As long as the coach is patient and speaks "Imma" we'll be just fine. Lucy is in dance and her caregiver diligently takes her to ballet, tap, and jazz class every week. I'm so glad that she is getting to enjoy something other children get to do instead of sitting in waiting rooms all of the time. And if you dare to call her anything but her name, she will correct you very quickly and sharply. "Wucy! I Wucy!"
If you have an idea for a mini-vacation or some advice for parents leaving their special needs child for the first time, please message me or leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you! Why should I do all of the talking, lol?
I promise more pics of my beautiful girls next time!
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