ACL Four Month Update

It's been four months to the date since my little accident which left me with a torn ACL, meniscus, ligaments, and bone bruises. It's been a little over two months since my surgery.  So.... here's where we are!
I am in mobility transition. I am moving off of the walker, although I'm still supposed to use it at work, and transitioning not just to the cane but off of it completely, too.  That's right--today at therapy I was practicing walking on my own! It's not pretty at all. It's more like a step with my right foot and then a drag of my left up to meet it. But it's progress!

Yeah--not me....

The pain is pretty minimal these days. Most of the time, if I'm just sitting or laying in bed, it's probably just about a one. If I'm walking or driving, it sometimes gets up to a four. Today, since I was walking unassisted so much, it got up a little higher. And when I'm practicing stepping up onto something, it sometimes gets up to a five or a six.  It doesn't stay there though. I am having some swelling still, especially in my quad muscle above my knee.  I got a new brace a few weeks ago that is a lot less invasive, but when my leg is swollen, it rolls down, which is really annoying. So most of the time I don't wear it anymore.
I'm still using the bench to shower because I don't trust myself to step up and over into a slick shower, but I was able to get out of the bathtub by myself last week, which is definitely progress. I had tried a few weeks before that and needed help getting up, because it is essentially like sitting on the floor--a wet, slick, slippery floor with no grip. But this time I was able to get out by myself, which is even more progress.

Rub-a-dub-dub, I got out of the tub!

On Thursday, when I go back to therapy, we are going to start working on ramps. I need to be able to walk up and down a ramp to get in and out of my car at work since the curb is still too high for me to step up on. I can only step up about two inches right now and most steps are between six and eight inches (can you believe that?!?) The parking lot in front of my school is rocky and uneven, so I'm pretty concerned about walking on it without my walker. So for now, I'm supposed to use my walker at work and either my cane or nothing at home. It may take a while before I feel comfortable walking without my walker from my parking spot to the school.

Yes to the ramp--no to the wheelchair!

I can bend my knee almost completely. It's within one degree of my other knee. My extension is between 12 and 5 degrees most of the time.  Swelling keeps it from completely straightening, as well as my quad strength. I'm still working on it every day though. My knee is even more bent when I am standing up, unfortunately. I'm riding my recumbent bike a lot, and I think that will help.
The therapist I saw today said it's very possible I could be released from therapy by the end of September, which would be awesome. I know that it's going to be very difficult to keep going to therapy once school starts. It's already difficult since I'm back at work, even with the girls at daycare instead of school. I will hardly see them at all on nights when I have therapy once school starts.
That's where I am right now. It's not graceful. It's not pretty. But it's a form of walking. And I'm hopeful that I will continue to make progress at a good rate over the next two months so I can be dismissed.  (I will miss my therapists, though! If you need a therapist in the Dallas area, I highly recommend Baylor Wylie!)

ACL Recovery Six Weeks Post-Op

It's been a while since I updated my status.  It's been a slow but steady journey, and every day has its share of triumphs and defeats. I am still using the walker, but I am getting stronger, and I am hopeful to move off of it onto a cane within a month, though my therapist says it might be two. I am able to take my leg brace off now, though I sometimes still wear it, especially if I am walking on uneven surfaces.  I can step up with my right leg and then my left as long as it's not a very high step. I am still struggling with stepping up with my left leg first, which is frustrating.
I am able to ride a stationary bike now, which is good.  I can go all the way around--something I wasn't able to do last week.
My extension was at about a 12 last week, but I think it's better than that now because I've really been working on it this last week.  Not sure what my flexion is but it isn't as good as my left leg yet.
I was able to take a bath earlier this week, though getting out of the tub was a struggle. I am still using the bench to shower because it's just easier that way, though it's certainly not comfortable.
So... that's where I'm at six weeks after surgery, three months after the injury.  It's frustrating and often depressing, with glimmers of hope and occasional pride in mastery of a new skill.  The one thought I have to focus on is that I cannot compare myself to anyone else.  No one else has the exact set of circumstances that I do. When I see younger, more active people at therapy with the same injury walking around a week after surgery like it's nothing, it's hard to remember that they probably didn't spend almost two months in a wheelchair before the surgery.  Or maybe they didn't also tear their meniscus. Or... lots of other things that could be totally different.... For now, it's one day at a time, one step at a time.

Autism Awareness Day

Today feels much different than Autism Awareness Day has the last two or three years.  Last year, I celebrated Autism Awareness Day as the parent of an "autistic" child. Today, I celebrate as the parent of a special needs child, but not an autistic one.  This doesn't make the cause any less near and dear to my heart, but it changes my perspective.  And I am thankful for this change of view.
You cannot be told that your child has autism, live that life for two years, and not be changed.  It's kind of like taking a journey, having your car break down, spending a lot of time in a town you never intended to stay in, and then continuing on.  No matter how long you spend in your ultimate destination, you'll always have the memories from your unintended visit.  And that's how I feel about autism.
Today isn't just about spreading awareness of an enigmatic disability, it's not just about celebrating some of the most amazing people I've ever had the fortune to know, it's not just about lifting a torch of hope that someday all parents will be on the other side of autism, it's about being thankful.  As much as I can respect the idea that taking autism away from a child would change who they are, I've never been a proponent of proclaiming I'm happy my child has these differences because that's what makes her special.  I'm not happy that my child struggles to communicate, can't process simple language, still doesn't know which pronoun to use, hates fireworks because they are too loud, only drinks water, and can't stand to see colored tiles unsorted and stacked.  I want her to continue to overcome the obstacles that have prevented the world from knowing all of the amazing thoughts she has trapped in her perfect little mind.  Though our struggles are far from over, I am thankful today that I can no longer consider myself the parent of a child with autism.  Hopefully someday, either through a cure, life-changing therapy, or situations similar to ours where autism turned out to be something else, many, many more parents will find themselves on this side of the spectrum as well.

Imma last fall, after we found out she was not autistic

One year when I was teaching kindergarten, I had an amazing five year old in my class.  I was told he had autism and I was given several strategies to use to help him learn.  This child was extremely intelligent and had many gifts.  For example, one day he walked in to my class, picked up a book and started reading it.  Just out of the blue, overnight, he had suddenly synthesized all of the information I had taught him thus far and started reading. Amazing.  He had aversions to loud noises, repetitive speech, language processing difficulties, and a strong need for a routine. At the end of the year, I was told he was being dismissed from special education because he wasn't autistic after all.  I was shocked.  He had so many characteristics that we usually associate with people on the autism spectrum. I'm not sure exactly what they determined was an appropriate diagnosis for my little friend but this was the first time I was faced with a misdiagnosis of autism. Thankfully for my family, it wasn't the last time.  When I was told that Imma's evaluation showed she was not on the spectrum, I remembered this other child and I wondered if the feelings of relief I was experiencing had been the same for his mother.
The most important statement I could make to the parents of a special needs child is, "Don't ever give up hope."  Keep hoping for breakthroughs, advancements, cures, more research, more funding.  You just never know where hope can take you.  The surefire way to stop your child's progress is to give up.  The second we stop believing that our child will one day have a normal life is the day that dream dies. So never stop believing.
Imma is in the middle of another language explosion right now and it always makes me excited and reflective when this happens.  She continues to make tremendous progress and I am so thankful for all of the people who work so hard for her.  But most importantly, I am so happy that I was the one chosen to be her mother.  She is an amazing blessing and she continues to teach me something new every single day.  Today is a day to celebrate how far we've come and to look forward to a future where no one's label reads, "autistic."