Swimming the Length

Imma has always loved the water. From the time that she could walk, anytime she was near a body of water (a friend's pool, a lake, etc.) she would try to just walk right in. We said she thought she could "walk on water!" Of course, she couldn't, so in attempt to keep her from getting seriously hurt, we started swimming lessons at a very early age.  I believe she was almost two when we took her to her first lessons at a local high school  The first year she did just about as well as any two year old. It was the next year when the high school boy serving as her instructor made the comment, "I think there's something wrong with your kid." I don't think he was trying to be rude, but that was one of the first times someone other than a close friend had said anything to us about her differences, so it was a bit alarming.  We knew there were differences with Imma, but what he was referring to was her inability to follow his directions--literally inability, too, not refusal--and the fact that she continued to do her own thing, as if that was what the expectation was. You see, despite the fact that there was no way he was going to be able to teach her to swim the length of the pool, as advertised, Imma was having the best time ever splashing around and walking on the bottom of the shallow end while moving her arms in a repetitive "swimming" motion. So, even though she was not learning to swim, she was learning to love the water even more.

Little Imma on the boat, pondering jumping in and going for a swim.

Imma has done swimming lessons 4 out of the last 5 years. Last year, we paid for private lessons with a very experienced teacher and I definitely think that it helped. But Imma still couldn't swim.  She was still under the illusion that she was swimming by walking and moving her arms in a breast-stroke motion.  And she would still, occasionally, just attempt to walk right into a pool, with no regard for how deep the water might be.

Imma (5) and Lucy (2) in our family swimming pool.

Whenever I talk to the parents of Imma's friends who are great swimmers, they all pretty much say the same thing. "If you want her to be a good swimmer, get her in a pool every day." Now, like most women I am not always thrilled to get into a bathing suit in public. However, I have vowed to take her to the pool several times a week this summer so that she can become a better swimmer, and because both of my girls love the water.

Imma last summer (6) taking a break from swimming in our little backyard pool.

And it seems to be working!  She is actually taking risks in the water that I've never seen before.  She's starting to coordinate her kicking (yes, kicking, not walking!) with her arms. She's not afraid to put her head under the water and most of the time she usually remembers to hold her breath. She's jumping off of the side (not just walking in) and she's even diving down to get rings off of the bottom.  She's a long way from swimming the length of the pool but she's come a long way.
Today, Lucy did a lot better, too. Normally, she stays on the steps, in the shallows, or clings to me like a baby monkey. But today, she let me pull her around by her hands and even tried to kick her feet.  She's still afraid to put her face or head in the water but at least she's getting in and trying now and not just hanging out on the sidelines.
The pool that we go to most of the time is at my gym in a neighboring town.  Occasionally we see someone we know but not very often.  One of Imma's strengths is that she just assumes that everyone is her friend. This is usually a good thing but sometimes it results in her getting her feelings hurt.  We are running into this a lot at the pool because there are groups of girls that already know each other or girls who just don't understand Imma's differences.  She wants to get in and play with the other girls and they typically have no idea how to relate to her.  Most of the time they will say a few things to her and then continue on with their group, attempting to ignore her. Imma doesn't understand when others are giving her the cold-shoulder, however, so  lot of times she will press on, which can lead to the other children getting frustrated. So far, no one has been rude to her but I'm afraid it might happen. And I know it happens when I'm not around (as is the case with all children) but I want to protect her as much as I can, like most mothers, so it's frustrating for me as well. I have tried talking to her about how to tell when other children don't want to play "right now" or they are "doing something else" but she doesn't understand what I am telling her any more than the other girls understand what she is telling them when she starts quoting a video they haven't seen. I also try inviting her to come play with me and/or Lucy but we are boring and she wants to play with the other girls.  It's difficult to know if I should just let her be and see what happens or try to protect her from getting her feelings hurt. Have any parents of special needs children been in a similar situation and, if so, what did you do?
So far, we have had a wonderful summer--full of sun and swimming. I am hopeful that, by the end of summer, Imma will finally be swimming the length of the pool!

Imma had a blast riding the dolphin in Cozumel this summer.

Play Date With a Classmate!

Today, Imma had a play date with a friend from her class. This is the first time anyone from her class has come over to play and we were so happy that her little friend and his brother were able to spend some time playing with the girls.  Little brother is about Lucy's age so the girls each had a friend their age to play with.
We spent a few minutes playing upstairs in the playroom. The boys came over in capes so Lucy put her cape on, too.  Imma put on her cowboy hat and rode around the room on her stick-horse.  The boys took turns driving around our toy car and Lucy had a good time flying down the slide. (Yes, we have a little slide in our play room!)
Then, we decided to go outside.  Everyone had fun swinging and going down the slide. Lucy's hair got crazy with static!  She looked like Medusa for a little while.  The only conflict we had was when little brother had a basketball Imma decided she needed.  Imma never plays with that ball but she thought she needed it because someone else had it.  Other than that, the rest of the play date went very well.  Imma didn't always play with the other kids but she was in the vicinity and did talk to them and occasionally went over to play with them.  She also played ball with them for a little bit, too.

I just had to take a pic of Lucy's crazy hair!

Static everywhere!

I'm so glad Imma is starting to make real friends with her classmates and develop some relationships that will, hopefully, last for years to come.  We plan on living here for the rest of eternity so the girls will have most of the same classmates all the way through school.  We are really hoping to get to know more families and put down some roots here.  The family that came over today is wonderful--sweet kids, very nice, friendly parents.  We're very happy that Imma is in the same class as this little gentleman. He does such a good job of taking care of her.  He's extremely polite, he always asks her if she needs anything or if he can help her, and he is one of the students Imma insists on hugging good-bye at the end of the day.  We can't wait until our next play date!

How Does "The Mean Girl" Make Friends?

Making friends is something we have always struggled with--well at least the last three or four years. Imma doesn't relate to other children well.  She used to try to play with the other kids but when they didn't know what she wanted or what she was trying to say, she would wander away, or they would go off and leave her.  She almost always ended up playing by herself.  This year, kindergarten hasn't been too different.  There are a few kids in her class, mostly very sweet little girls, who try to "help" her.  Sometimes they treat her like she is a baby or a little sister.  One even tried to pick her up one day.  They will even ask me how old she is.  They don't get that she is the same age they are, she just can't speak as well as they can. I tried to explain that she just doesn't understand what they are saying all of the time. One of them asked if they should say it in Spanish.  I laughed because sometimes the thought goes through my head, too.  Maybe if I just say it in another language, she'll get it!  But, no, saying it in Spanish, or French, or Chinese won't make any difference. We just have to keep saying it, slowly, with gestures, and she'll figure it out.
But five year olds are impatient and they don't always want to do that.  A lot of time she ends up swinging at recess or playing on her own.  And she's perfectly fine with that, for now.  But I am hopeful that she will eventually make some good friends and have lots of children to play with.
One day I over-heard another kindergartner, not in Imma's class, talking to a little girl next to her in the gym before school.  She said, "Oh, see that backpack over there?"  She pointed at Imma's backpack, which I had sat down while she was in the cafeteria eating breakfast.  The other little girl said, "Yay. Whose is it?"  The first little girl says, "That's the Mean Girl's backpack."  The other little girl nodded and said, "Oh, ya, the Mean Girl."  Of course, I had to enter the conversation at this point, so I said, "Whose backpack is it?
 "Oh, it's the Mean Girl's."
"Why do you call her the Mean Girl?"
" Cause she's mean to everybody."
"What did she doe that was mean?"
"I don't know.  She's just mean."
Well, I spent a few minutes explaining how it isn't fair or nice to call someone names if you don't know why you are calling them that and both of them seemed to understand what I was saying but a few days later I heard a similar conversation, this time two boys, talking about how Imma was the "Mean Girl." It just breaks my heart to know that these children are assuming because she doesn't talk to them that she's mean.  And I know from time to time Imma has done some mean things. Most kids do at the age of five.  But she's certainly not mean and she would be a great friend, if other kids would give her the chance.

My Sweet Non-Mean Girl!

We have play dates sometimes and those usually go well because I always invite family friends that she has known for a long time.  I don't know the parents of any of the children in her class well enough to set that up yet, but I think that would help. Does anyone else have suggestions of things we can do to help facilitate making friends? My girl is a very sweet girl and she deserves to know the joys of friendship just like everyone else.