Imma's Christmas

Last night, Imma asked me if she could go back to school today.  She said she wanted to take her new lunch box to school.  Imma didn't get a new lunch box and she doesn't take her lunch.  She did get a new metal purse with Cinderella on it and she wants to take goldfish crackers to school for snack, in her new metal purse.  Imma is as unique and silly as can be, and this is one of the many reasons why I love her.
Imma loved the snow.  She was very sad when it began to melt.  "Snow all gone, Mommy. My snow is all gone!" She loved making a snowman with Daddy and sliding down the hill on a trashcan lid.  She loved catching the snowflakes on her  tongue and throwing snowballs at Daddy.
Imma got several art supplies for Christmas and has been painting and drawing a lot this week. She painted a beautiful rainbow and drew multiple pictures of the three little pigs, their houses, and their nemesis the Big Bad Wolf. She's been reading her TAG books, her v-tech books, and borrowing her sister's Mobigo so she can play "Jake" and watch Cubby almost fall off the cliff.
We've been playing a lot of "castles" with Lucy, too.  Lucy got two castles for Christmas and she thinks the blue one is Imma's even though it's not.  Imma doesn't really like to play castles but she will play with her sister for a few minutes before screaming, "Lucy Kate Annabella!"
Imma's also been playing a lot of Mario Cart Wii.  There's actually one person in this house that is worse at this game than me!  She crashes, she falls in the water, she gets stuck in a corner, and she laughs hysterically the whole time!
Duke and Imma have had a lot of fun this Christmas.  Well, Imma's had a lot of fun pretending to be a dog and playing with Duke. I'm not sure if he really likes it or not.  She barks, wags her tail, and licks everyone, including Duke.
Finally, Imma has enjoyed riding her new bike, Pinkey, around the living room.  Yes, around the living room. It's been too cold to go outside so she's been riding inside.  She's crashed a couple of times, ran over everyone, and tipped it over, but she just keeps right on riding.
I'm blessed to have this beautiful girl in my life!

Imma ready to go outside, before we'd even cleaned up the Christmas presents!

Lucy-isms

This is a fun list of Lucy-isms, words Lucy says that no one else can understand!

"Sponge-Bob Squash-Pants"

"Paw-cown" (popcorn)

"Wowwypop" (lollypop)

"Wah-yer" (water)

"showtcake" (Strawberry Shortcake)

"Meany" (Minnie Mouse)

"Cwooky" (cracker)

"Wank-it" (blankets)

"Monny" (mommy)

"Mama" (Miss Amy)

"Mewwww" (more)

My beautiful, silly little Lu!

Most of the time I refer to her as Lu.  When I say Lu, I think of a rather large, balding, sweaty deli worker (don't ask me why) and I think it is hilarious that my itty-bitty, beautiful little girl could have such a funny name.  She will be 2 1/2 on Saturday and she is starting to embrace the Terrible Two's.  She is demanding, argumentative, easily offended, and still as sweet and silly as can be.  I can't wait to see what she will accomplish in 2013!

5 Wishes for My Daughters in 2013 and Beyond

I've decided not to make any resolutions this year.  Not special or particular ones anyway.  I feel that I tackle life with enough resolve from day to day that it would be a waste of time for me to try to gaze into the future and pontificate  what circumstances may be 6 to 10 months from now and try to determine whether or not I will or will not be successful at whatever it is I proclaim to be of drastic importance today. No, instead of resolutions, I will make wishes.  And not for me, but for my girls. Resolutions are easily broken but wishes go up into the heavens and surround us with possibilities, hope, and light.  So I choose to be resolute and proactive in my wishes for my two beautiful girls and, in turn, hope that their wishes come true.

My two beautiful girls

1) I wish them safety and health.  In my opinion, these two necessities innately belong together. I wish for them to be safe from evil outside and in.  Safe in travels, safe in school and childcare, safe at home, safe in slumber. No sickness or illness beyond a common cold. No injuries.  I wish them eternal safety and health for 2013 and beyond.

"I was down and broken-hearted, couldn't finish what I'd started, but I'm safe here in your arms and it's a miracle."  Levi Morrow

Imma and PawPaw Levi at her 4th birthday party

2) I wish them friendship.  We live states away from our family so our friends are extremely important to us.  They have become our surrogate family. Imma struggles with friends because it is so difficult for others to understand her.  The other students in her class look out for her, they are enamored by her, as most children are, but they have difficulty understanding her, not just her language but everything about her. I tried to explain to a little boy once that Imma has difficulty understanding when people talk and he said, "I can count in Spanish.  Would she understand that?"  No, baby, she doesn't speak Spanish either.  She speaks her own language.  It's hard for grown-ups to understand, much less 5 year olds. But we are working on that and Imma says she has a best friend now.  I hope that, in 2013, she is able to make some lasting friendships, that her communication skills improve and that other children find they are able to relate to her.  She is funny, kind, loving, and sweet.  She has a wonderful imagination.  I know she could easily make friends if given the necessary tools.
As for little charismatic Lucy, I hope that she continues to make friends and build upon the friendships she has.  Everyone loves Lucy.  People are drawn to her.  I hope she uses this gift as a blessing to others and never takes advantage of her charisma but always uses it to help others.

"I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  I'll be there for you, like I've been there before."  The Rembrandts

My girls playing together

3) I wish them the gift of self-expression.  Beyond verbal communication, which I hope continues to develop for both of my children, I wish them the ability to make themselves understood in whatever way is appropriate. Lucy certainly has a way with words. She is picking up more language everyday.  Imma is doing so much better and I know we are on the verge of greatness.  But even if she never quite has a handle on what she wants to say, I hope she continues to explore the other means of communication she has been using thus far.  She is an amazing artist, though she doesn't share her talent with just everyone. She has become the master of pantomime as well over the years.  I hope that someday she will be able to say whatever she wants to but these other areas of self-expression are also important and I hope that both of my girls are able to continue to develop in those areas as well.

"Change your words into truths, then change that truth into love."  Stevie Wonder

Imma, Lucy, and Barkley

4) I wish them to  choose happiness.  When Brian and I had been dating for about 4 months, I remember telling him that all I really wanted out of life was to be happy. He said something like that's what everyone wants and I agree that you would think everyone wants to be happy.  But I think happiness truly is a choice and that lots and lots of people choose every day, for whatever reason, not to be happy.  We make choices each day that put other priorities above happiness.  I feel that I have a melancholy spirit, that I am drawn to sadness--not depression, that's different--and I know that, if I am truly going to be happy, I have to work for it.  I wish, for my children, that happiness comes easily.  That each day, they choose to be happy and that they maintain their innocence of evil and the stresses of life until they absolutely must be exposed to them.  In the world we live in, it is becoming more and more difficult for children to maintain that sense of wonder we all imagine we had when we were younger.  I wish that for them until the very last, until they absolutely must know that the world isn't as wonderful as they once thought.  But even beyond that, I wish them to choose happiness because we can still be happy, despite the hardships we live with, if that's what we choose in our hearts each day.

"Put it in your heart where tomorrow shines.  Gold and silver shine." R.EM.

A little sisterly snuggle

5) I wish them love. I wish them an ever-flowing river of love, in and out, all encompassing, plethora of love. I wish for them to fill surrounded by the love for them and I wish them to radiate love from their very souls for everyone they come in contact with.  I wish them to feel God's love and to spread that unfaltering love out into the world. Two quotes come to mind instantly for this one.

"All you need is love, love is all you need."John Lennon and Paul McCarntey 

"I wish you joy and I wish you happiness but above all this, I wish you love." Dolly Parton

Sometimes you have to love your sister even when she's acting weird.

If you choose to make resolutions today, I sincerely hope that you are able to keep each and every one of them.  Please take a few minutes today to reflect on those you love, those you cherish, your blessings, and those who need and love you.  May God bless each of you and your families and may 2013 be a prosperous year for us and all of us.

Imma Explains Lunch!

It's very difficult to get video of Imma because she is afraid of cameras.  So, I had to be sneaky.  I think you will like this, especially if you personally know my child.  If you haven't seen Imma in a while, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hear what you think as far as progress is concerned.  Does she seem to be speaking more clearly?  Does she answer my questions better?  Can you understand what she is saying?  Are you amazed?  If you could take a few minutes to leave me a comment, send an email, or a FB comment, I would so appreciate it.

If you don't know Imma but you'd like to leave a few words of encouragement, I would love that, too!!

Mommy's Little Cheerleader!

I got a sewing machine for Christmas and I'm terrified of it.  But I decided to at least try cutting out a pattern today.  I decided to attempt to make Lucy a simple dress.
I opened the pattern envelope and started reading.  I determined which pattern pieces I thought I needed and then started cutting.
Imma came and sat down at the other end of the table.
"Watcha doin' Mommy?"
"I'm attempting to make a dress."
"Oh, ya! Watcha makin' Mommy, a dress?"
"Yes, baby."
"Yes, baby.  You can do it, Mommy!"
"Uhm, I don't know about that, Imma."
She then started singing the song that the birds and mice sing on Cinderella, "You can do it, you can do it, Cinderelly, Cinderelly.  You can do it, Mommy!"
As I am piecing the pattern to the fabric and starting to cut it out.
"You making a dress, Mommy?"
"Yes, baby."
"Yes, baby.  You can do it, Mommy."
"I'm gonna try, baby."
"You can do it, Mommy!  You can!" She started singing again.
Once I had the pieces cut, I decided I needed to do a little bit more research on how to use the sewing machine before I actually started sewing so I started cleaning up.
"Watcha doin, Mommy?"
"Cleaning up, baby."
"Cleaning up?  But Mommy, are you gonna make a dress?"
"Tomorrow, baby."
"No, Mommy.  You can, you can!"
"I know, baby, but not today.  Mommy finish it tomorrow."
"No, Mommy.  Mommy make a dress.  You can, you can!"
"Yes, baby.  Mommy finish tomorrow. . . ."
She started singing again.
It's nice to have a cheerleader!

What were you expecting to see in the box??

Mommy Needs a Break, Too!

Like all moms and dads, parents of special needs children are on call 24 hours a day.  Even if and when our children are actually slumbering peacefully, there is still much to be done.  Whether it's preparing specific foods, readying necessities other children may not require, or cleaning up excessive messes created during uncontrollable melt-downs, there is almost always something that needs to be done.  And when all of the physical preparation is finally over, there is always more research to do, more books to read, more websites to visit, more appointments to schedule.  Being a parent to any child is difficult but having a special needs child is often even more overwhelming than one can possibly articulate.
I remember sitting in a waiting room while Imma was in therapy last year, watching Lucy play with another little boy whose sister was also in speech, on the verge of an emotional breakdown. (I think the only thing that kept me from losing it was looking up and seeing another mother plucking her eyebrows.  How can one cry in the midst of such ridiculousness? But that's another story!) I took out my phone and, in between opening crackers,finding sippy cups and breaking up arguments about who had the toy car first, I posted a status on Facebook that not only spoke exactly what was in my heart but it rang a chord with some of the other mothers I know who have special needs children.  It doesn't happen often that I feel I have said exactly what I meant to say and, while I'm sure I could go back and find that post, I will will see if I can replicate the sentiment for you now.  While other parents are driving back and forth to soccer practice, rushing around to make sure that the ballet shoes are in the bag, that the PJ's are returned from the sleep-over, that their children get to all of the fun activities they have scheduled, we are sitting and waiting in doctor's offices or therapists waiting rooms. We are driving back and forth, too, but there is no sports bag, no dirty pair of cleats.  We worry about weighted vests and security blankets. Some of us can't leave the house without medical supplies. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a friend mention how hectic it is making sure her child gets to practice or to the game and wished so badly to have that specific problem. And I certainly don't mean to offend anyone by saying that because I love hearing about how my friend's children are doing in sports or other activities.  I just wish that Imma could do those things, too.  At the time, there was no way she could possibly have ever handled an organized sport--I tried gymnastics and we failed miserably--and I was exhausted from driving an hour each way twice a week, sitting in the waiting room for hours on end, and feeling extremely guilty that my baby was playing with another boy who insisted her name was Landon, instead of being at home or at an activity of her own.
It was about that time that I realized I needed a break. I had to have a break. For most of us, being a mommy means you are constantly thinking about or worrying about your children, special needs or not.  It has always been that way for me.  And we were in the middle of the "Push Towards Kindergarten" I have described in other posts.  Imma's behavior was a disaster and I didn't know how I was going to maintain my sanity for the rest of the school year.
So I decided to go on a trip.  Without my children.  And without my husband.  After all, he had to stay with the kids.  I took my sister and we went on a short trip to a nearby Bed and Breakfast.  It was only two night and it was difficult to leave my family, but it was needed, and quite frankly, earned. We had a wonderful time and when I came back, I was well-rested and ready to conquer another round of therapy and whatever else was to come.

Our Welcome! Plate (cookies devoured shortly there-after), my bedroom, and the view from our room at the enchanting inn we stayed at.  Message me for contact info--it was divine!

All parents need a break from time to time.  Parents with special needs children often feel like they can't afford to take a break. We believe no one else can take care of our children the way that we can.  We tell ourselves our children will be uncomfortable, upset, scared.  While it's possible that these statements may all be true, that doesn't mean they outweigh our need to have some time for ourselves. And if you can take your spouse with you, that's even better, though we've yet to do that since Imma was about two and we had no idea there was anything different about her.  Surely there is a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a close friend who can keep the kids for a night or two while you go somewhere nearby--but not too nearby--just long enough to catch your breath and remember why you love your kids so much in the first place! In fact, if you start reading about parenting special needs children one of the first things you'll find is that nearly every organization will recommend respite time for parents.  That's just a fancy way of saying, "Take a break!  You are a person, too!"
Now that Imma and I are at the same school, it's even more important for me to take a break from time to time.  My husband is very good at letting me have some "me" time, to make tutus or blog, that sort of thing, almost every day, which I appreciate and recommend.  My girls are getting older and Imma is getting more independent.  Lucy is still very needy, but right now she is a Daddy's Girl so that's helping mamma out in the R & R department.
We are looking into the possibility of starting Imma in t-ball this spring.  I work with a wonderful teacher who also coaches and she thinks we should give it a try. I think I might.  If she can't do it we can always take her out.  But I think she'll like it.  As long as the coach is patient and speaks "Imma" we'll be just fine.  Lucy is in dance and her caregiver diligently takes her to ballet, tap, and jazz class every week.  I'm so glad that she is getting to enjoy something other children get to do instead of sitting in waiting rooms all of the time. And if you dare to call her anything but her name, she will correct you very quickly and sharply.  "Wucy!  I Wucy!"
If you have an idea for a mini-vacation or some advice for parents leaving their special needs child for the first time, please message me or leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you!  Why should I do all of the talking, lol?
I promise more pics of my beautiful girls next time!

I Love Lucy! What it Means to be the "Normal" One

I think one of the reasons I named my second (and final!) daughter Lucy is because I hope, someday, to be able to drive her crazy by saying, in my best Cuban accent, "You got a lot of 'splainin' to do, Lucy." I have a lot of fond memories of watching the amazing Lucille Ball get herself into trouble at my grandma's house and I always wondered how in the world she could be so beautiful and so ridiculous at the same time.

Newborn Lucy, 2010

And in a way, that's what I wish for my Lucy, too.  Beauty, silliness, and of course the mind of a genius.  In my book, she's already there!
I feel like I spend an exuberant amount of time on this blog, and probably in life, talking about Imma.  In a sense, it seems that I should spend the majority of my time on this blog talking about Imma because one of the main focuses is to help other people who have special needs children.  And Lucy is what is referred to as, "typically developing."  However, most people with special needs children also have other children who are special in completely different ways and I think it is important that we also discuss some of the things we need to consider when it comes to raising our "other" children.
We debated for a long time about whether or not to have a second child.  I was 10 years old when my first sister was born--no brothers in between either, just an older brother--and I remember how elated I was to finally have a little girl to play with. Things were a little different than I had imagined since I was so much older but now I am very good friends with all three of my little sisters. (Yes, I now have 3 sisters.  And I am very old!) I wanted Imma to have that, too, that indescribable bond that only sisters can have.  So, when Imma was 2, we decided to have another baby and we were very happy to find out that the baby was a girl. Of course, we would have been happy with a boy if that's what we were given but I knew there was going to be something special about having two little girls.

Lucy at almost 8 months, March 2011

When you have a child that is born "normal" and then begins to develop special needs later on, you don't watch home videos the way that other parents do.  Videos of Imma's first birthday party, trips to the zoo from when she was 14 months old, etc., become "footage."  They are dissected.  We analyze her gaze, her gait, her speech, her smile.  Anything and everything that could possibly be a clue as to what went "wrong" is viewed and reviewed.  The same can be true with children that are born after a child with special needs.  From the moment Lucy took her first breath, she was watched more closely than a pot on the stove.  We had to make sure that, if there was something that needed our attention, we caught it immediately.

We were very lucky with Lucy.  She developed normally and continues to do so.  She met all of her milestones on time or ahead of time. The only thing "different" about Lucy is that she is a little small for her age, though her head is in the 90%.  But that's okay.  There's nothing "wrong" with Lucy.  In fact, Lucy is ahead in many ways.  She speaks very well.  She surprises me all the time with what she knows, like counting to 12 one day at Wal-Mart just before her second birthday.  She's not particularly coordinated compared to her sister. She doesn't like to climb or run or jump like Imma.  She likes to look at books and loves letters.  She loves to color and sing songs.  She loves to watch "Shortcake" and "Yeti," which is Lucy-speak for The Backyardigans.  And she has the heart of a little girl who understands, even at 2 1/2 what it means to have a special sister.

Silly Lucy at 2, 2012

We have asked Lucy to do things that seem unfair.  We have asked her to travel back and forth to therapies hundreds of times.  We have asked her to sit in the waiting room for countless hours and play with the other "siblings".  We have asked her to try to be sympathetic and understanding in situations where adults would have trouble understanding why they had to be so. We've asked her to leave public places in an untimely fashion when her sister just couldn't be there any more.  We've asked her to put up with what may seem like ridiculous statements, like I'm not her mommy because I'm Imma's or only Imma can have french fries at the drive-through, because Imma perceives it to be so.  We've asked her to wait her turn when it's been her turn.  We've asked her to wait again when she's already waited. We've asked her to share when she shouldn't have to, or go without for a while so her sister can have two.  We've asked her to be compassionate and understanding, patient and calm, kind and loving in situations where we, as logical adults, sometimes struggle with those emotions.  Most importantly, we've asked her to be her sister's friend, no matter what, even when her sister is not being a friend to her.

Lucy in the waiting room at therapy

And, amazingly, for the most part, she does all of these things.  Even through the "terrible twos" most of the time, Lucy is loving and patient and kind.  She is calm and resourceful.  She is smart and solves problems.  She loves her sister.  She is her sister's best-friend.  Lucy will often give up whatever she has if Imma wants it because she wants her sister to be happy. It's almost like she understands that Imma isn't like everyone else.  There are times when Imma is speaking or doing something odd that Lucy will look at me as if to ask, "What is she doing?  Why is she saying that?" And then, with a shrug of the shoulders, she's off playing again, always wanting to do whatever big sister is doing.  We've had a few moments already when we've looked at each other, smiled, and gone on about our business, just a little glance to say, "That's Imma!"

Lucy and Imma walking Barkley, May 2012

Lucy repeats Imma often.  She emulates her. She walks like her, spins like her, sings the same songs, wants the same toys and books. Lucy worries us momentarily from time to time when she does something a-typical, but then we realize she is just mimicking Imma. It's very normal that she would want to be like her sister because all little sisters want to be like their big sisters from time to time.  And sometimes Imma wants to be like Lucy, too, which is wonderful.

My gorgeous little model, December 2012

As Lucy continues to grow and change, I pray she keeps her amazing spirit. I worry about her because she has a lot of weight on those little shoulders.  I hope to find a way to let her know that she is just as precious and important to me as Imma. Imma is my world, but Lucy is my sunshine.  You can't live in a world without sunshine and I can't imagine what life would be like without Lucy.  Of course having a second child has made life more hectic but in a lot of ways, it's made life more normal, too.  We now know what we should have been seeing with Imma along the path of development.  When I ask Lucy a question and she answers with a complex sentence in her little baby voice, I am amazed because I missed all of that the first time.  It doesn't necessarily make her a conversational genius that she can tell me, "No, I don't want a hot dog. I want chicken nuggets," but it sure makes this mommy happy.
If you have an a-typical first child and you are debating whether or not to have another child, I highly suggest that you do.  If your older child is autistic, there is a greater chance that your second child will be as well, but it isn't a certainty.  In fact, there's still a better chance that the second child will not be autistic.  We have recently learned that Imma is mostly likely not autistic so it turns out this would not have mattered with our second child, and no one knows enough about Imma's probable disability, sensory integration disorder, to know if it is genetic or not, to my knowledge. If we had not decided to have Lucy, I am quite certain my life would always be missing something.  You may regret not having a second child but you will never regret it if you do.
I've never met anyone who didn't love Lucy, my Lucy, my sweet little Lucy Kate Annabella.  Thank you for taking the time to get to know her a little better. She really is an amazing child.  And that, I suppose, makes her a-typical after all.