My Grandma, Imogene Morrow, was an amazing person. Growing up, she was always one of my favorite people, and as a teenager, she was my best friend. My grandma faced a lot of challenges in her life, probably the most significant being that she was born with two club feet. Throughout her entire life, walking was a struggle for her. Now that I have spent the last few weeks in a wheelchair, I have a new found appreciation for her struggle. I can't say how many times a day I realize I am now even more like here than I was before. Here are five specific times when I realize, "Wow! I've turned into my grandma!"
1) If I don't have to get up, I'd rather not.
My grandma avoided moving from one location to another as much as possible, not because she was lazy but because the sheer act of standing was painful--and scary. Now that I can't walk and have to use a wheelchair, walker, crutches, or hopping, I totally understand this even more than I did before. It isn't that standing up necessarily hurts for me--most of the time it doesn't unless I put weight on my bad knee--but the more upright I am, the better are my chances of reinjuring myself or falling. So, yes, sitting is good!
2) I've got stuff on me.
I bet you never thought about this before, but when you stand up any dust, debris, or other various pieces of whatever you've been doing fall to the ground. When you sit basically all day long, you tend to collect this stuff. I used to think it was odd that my grandma had little bits of thread and fabric all over her. Now I get it! I have pieces of paper and other school related items on me most of the time now because I don't stand up to give it a chance to fall off.
3) I've got stuff all around me.
My grandma used to surround herself with all of the stuff she might need during the day. We used to tease her about it. But now, I get it! If there's not someone around to get me something that I need, that's a problem. It's better to just have all of the stuff that I need around me at all times within my reach. I may look a little bit like a pack-rat or a horder, but at this point, I really don't care.
4) Shoes and socks are not my friend.
Putting my shoes and socks on is almost impossible without help. I can't bend my right knee to put that shoe and sock on, I can't rest my left leg on my right knee to put that one on. Some of my shoes I can get on with a lot of stretching and feet wiggling, but usually I need someone else to do it. My grandma struggled with this as well.
5) I am more appreciative of others.
My grandma was the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. Now that I have such a huge limitation on my own health and mobility, I think I appreciate people even more than I did before. Sure, I'm also a little jealous of all the bending, stretching, walking, running, skipping, hopping, and driving they can do. But I also really notice when someone goes out of their way to do something thoughtful, like hold a door for me or pick something up that I've dropped.
This has probably been the most challenging event in my life so far, but I've also learned a lot! And I am very thankful that, God willing, this is just a temporary inconvenience. Unlike so many others who find themselves unable to walk, I should be able to make a full recovery. Thank you for your continued prayers for my family and myself!
Imma ticker
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Tornade Update: We've Got a Storm Shelter!
If you've been following my blog for a while, you are aware that our house was in the path of the Copeville Tornado, which ripped through our neighborhood the day after Christmas just a few months ago. It was the same night that tornadoes tore through Rowlett, Garland, Farmersville, Blue Ridge, and some other Dallas area suburbs. We were lucky that we received a minimal amount of damage while some of our neighbors lost everything, and two of them lost their lives. You can read our story here. I've been posting updates to let everyone know how the clean up is going, etc., and more than one of them mentioned that we would definitely be getting a storm shelter. Well, we did, on my birthday, about a month ago, and on this rainy Sunday afternoon, I'm very relieved to have it installed.
We looked at several options for our storm shelter, but ultimately we decided to go with Armored Closet. Even though the model we went with was a little more expensive than what we had originally considered, it is installed in an existing closet under our stairs, so we don't have to go outside in a storm to reach it. We can also use it for other things. For example, in the event of a home invasion, nobody is getting in this safe room! While most of the closet is now unusable, we got a little door installed in the back so that we can still use the back portion of the closet as storage. And the fact that it is also under the stairs makes me feel even more safe.
It didn't take too long for the nice folks from Armored Closet to install the shelter. If they didn't have to turn around our closet door (which had been installed backwards by the builder) it would have probably only taken about two or three hours. They came in, did some drilling into the concrete and assembled the steel room pretty quickly and cleaned up nicely after themselves. You can read about the high quality materials they use and how they install their closets here.
Armored Closets has lots of options starting at just under $4000 and installation is free. Their options, which you can look at here, can fit up to 26 people, which is pretty impressive.
If you live in the Dallas area and you are considering a storm shelter (which you really should!) please consider Armored Closet. They have great products, their extremely nice and easy to work with, and they do offer a referral discount. If you decide to go with them, please tell them Amy and Brian Van Horn sent you!
We have had a few really bad hail storms here lately. Luckily, we've had no damage at our house, but some of our friends have not been so lucky. Several houses in the nearby town of Wylie have holes in their roofs, shattered car windshields, and people with injuries from softball size hail. It's raining here today, but I think it should be relatively calm, That is life in North Texas in the spring--and the fall. Lots of storms and rain! I feel a lot better about it now that we have a tornado shelter, though. I pray that we never have to use it, but if we ever find ourselves in a situation like the one we faced on December 26, you can bet all four of us will be in the shelter with our fur babies.
Do you have a storm shelter? Is it inside or outside? Have you ever had to use it? Let me know in the comments.
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| Our new storm shelter beneath the stairs. |
We looked at several options for our storm shelter, but ultimately we decided to go with Armored Closet. Even though the model we went with was a little more expensive than what we had originally considered, it is installed in an existing closet under our stairs, so we don't have to go outside in a storm to reach it. We can also use it for other things. For example, in the event of a home invasion, nobody is getting in this safe room! While most of the closet is now unusable, we got a little door installed in the back so that we can still use the back portion of the closet as storage. And the fact that it is also under the stairs makes me feel even more safe.
It didn't take too long for the nice folks from Armored Closet to install the shelter. If they didn't have to turn around our closet door (which had been installed backwards by the builder) it would have probably only taken about two or three hours. They came in, did some drilling into the concrete and assembled the steel room pretty quickly and cleaned up nicely after themselves. You can read about the high quality materials they use and how they install their closets here.
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| Great service, great products from Armored Closet |
Armored Closets has lots of options starting at just under $4000 and installation is free. Their options, which you can look at here, can fit up to 26 people, which is pretty impressive.
If you live in the Dallas area and you are considering a storm shelter (which you really should!) please consider Armored Closet. They have great products, their extremely nice and easy to work with, and they do offer a referral discount. If you decide to go with them, please tell them Amy and Brian Van Horn sent you!
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| The outside door of our storm shelter. Nothing's getting in here! |
We have had a few really bad hail storms here lately. Luckily, we've had no damage at our house, but some of our friends have not been so lucky. Several houses in the nearby town of Wylie have holes in their roofs, shattered car windshields, and people with injuries from softball size hail. It's raining here today, but I think it should be relatively calm, That is life in North Texas in the spring--and the fall. Lots of storms and rain! I feel a lot better about it now that we have a tornado shelter, though. I pray that we never have to use it, but if we ever find ourselves in a situation like the one we faced on December 26, you can bet all four of us will be in the shelter with our fur babies.
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| We are expecting about five inches of rain in the next few days. Hopefully, no twisters! |
Do you have a storm shelter? Is it inside or outside? Have you ever had to use it? Let me know in the comments.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Bum Knees Are a Bummer
Three feet--that's all it was, just three feet off of the ground. For most people, jumping off of a bleacher three feet high would maybe cause a little pain in the ankles, which is what I was expecting, but what happened instead was one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences of my life.
I was watching Lucy's T-ball game on a Saturday, just a couple of weeks ago, back when everything was normal. It was early, and she was not being very cooperative. She didn't want to play. I'd already given her a couple of stern talking-tos. But when she refused to play catcher because the helmet was hurting her head, I had, had enough. I was about to go give her what for. I was sitting on the top row of the bleachers, walked down a few steps and thought, "I can make it from here." After all, there were people sitting along the bottom portion, and there was really no reason to make them get up.
I've always gotten pain in my ankles when I jump from higher than about a foot. Even when I was a little kid, this was a common occurrence. But that's not what happened. As soon as I landed, I knew something was wrong. My right knee seemed to slide several inches to the right, out of socket. I fell to the ground in pain. By the time I landed, it seemed to have gone back into place. I didn't even open my eyes to see who the kind people who had come to my aid were, but they assured me it was in it's socket. Nevertheless, the pain was almost intolerable, and I knew there was no way I was going to be walking out of there.
A lot of people ran over to help. One of them brought a chair, someone went to get ice. I'm not exactly sure what was going on around me. I was crying--more out of embarrassment than actual pain, if I'm honest. I imagined all four games had stopped so that people could gawk at me. I kept my eyes closed and my head in my hands as my husband tried to figure out how to get me out of there. I refused an ambulance. When I finally did open my eyes, I realized the games had continued and hardly anyone was even paying attention, though the people who were only did so because they were trying to help. Eventually, the commissioner gave Brian permission to drive his truck up to where I still sat, now in a chair, a few feet away from the bleachers, still crying, still hiding my face. Imma sat next to me on the ground as Brian ran off to get his truck, asking me the same questions I was asking myself. "What happened, Mommy? Why did you jump? What happened to your knee? Are you okay? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"
I wish I had an answer. It seemed pretty simple; hop off the bleachers, go talk to Lu, straighten her out, come back and watch the game. Oh, then, after the game was over we had plans to stop at the doughnut shop on the way home before I had a full day of house cleaning and laundry to tend to. Later, I would probably watch a movie with the girls. Very few of those things happened. We did watch a movie--much later.
It took a couple of people to get me up into Brian's truck. My knee was swollen and painful. I couldn't put any weight on it. Once I was finally in, he went off to get Lucy, who had no idea what was happening just a few yards away. Then, we were all off to the emergency room as I continued to cry and apologize, and my family assured me it was fine and I had nothing to apologize for.
As we rode along the fifteen or so miles to the closest hospital I cared to go to, all kinds of thoughts played through my mind. Was my kneecap dislocated? Did I break something? Would I need surgery? How quickly could I walk again? Could I drive? I had no idea about any of those things. The pain was bad, but it wasn't excruciating anymore. I began to think maybe it was nothing at all. Maybe I was just a big baby. But, on the other hand, I knew I couldn't walk.
When we finally arrived at the emergency room, a nurse came out with a wheelchair to collect me, and then there was a lot of explaining what had happened to several different people. Eventually, I was wheeled into a room and saw a few other people, explained again, and asked for something for the pain which was promised but not delivered for a really long time. The X-ray technician was very sweet, but insisted I do a lot of things I couldn't do with my knee without causing severe pain, but I did them anyway. Shortly after she left, my knee went into spasm. It shook and jerked around off and on for at least ten minutes. By the time the doctor came in, it had stopped. When she went to examine it, my pain had subsided quite a bit, from about a seven to a four, and I could actually bend it as much as she wanted me to. Once again, I thought maybe I was fine.
She looked at the X-rays and told me I hadn't broken any bones, but she couldn't see anything else--tendons, ligaments, etc. She said it could be something as simple as a sprained tendon, or I could have torn my ACL. I was pretty sure that wasn't the case. Wouldn't I be writhing around in pain if it were? She gave me a knee immobilizer, some crutches, some pain medicine (at last) and told me to stay off of it for a week. If it still hurt after that, I should see an ortho.
Brian wheeled me out to the truck, and after some acrobatics, I was able to get into the truck, and eventually, home. Getting into the house was also a feat I still question. Before too long, I was on my couch, still unsure of what was wrong or how long it would take to fix.
I was hopeful that I would be walking again soon, but even the smallest amount of weight was not only terrifying, it was painful. So a few days later, I went to see Dr. Johnson, an ortho. After a close inspection, he said he couldn't really tell what was wrong and listed all of the possibilities I had already read about online. He recommended an MRI. He suggested I stay off of it and even wrote a note that I couldn't stand at work. I would see him again as soon as the MRI was back.
Two days later, I went to get my MRI. I'd never had one before and was a little worried. The place I went to, Preferred Imaging in Plano, was in a strip mall, which was a little scary to me. But as soon as I rolled into the waiting room, I knew it was a reputable place. It looked like a spa. And while the experience of the MRI was not fun to say the least, the people were very nice, which made it better.
Imma had an MRI once last year when she was very sick and we didn't know what was wrong, so I'd seen a machine before, but hers was open and this was not. I was relieved to find out I would only be in the machine from the waist down. Just getting on the bed, however, was challenging. The technician was very helpful, and before I knew it, I was laying on my back with my legs in a machine, headphones on to help drown out the loud jackhammering noise of the machine, trying not to move. Have you ever been in a situation where you are not allowed to move a muscle? It's extremely difficult. The more I told my knee to stay still, the more it wanted to move. There were several times when it went into involuntary spasm, probably because it had to stay straighter than it had been in a few days. I apologized to the tech for moving, but she understood that there was nothing I could do about it. In about thirty minutes, it was over, and my husband wheeled me back to the car, DVD for the doctor in hand. This would tell us what was wrong with my knee.
I couldn't get in to see Dr. Johnson again for a few days. By then, I thought I was getting really good at using the walker he had recommended. In fact, I was now able to put a bit of weight on my injured right leg. I was doing just that in order to hop out the door on my way to visit Dr. Johnson one morning when I heard another pop and instantly felt like I was going to throw up; I'd done it again. Brian brought me a chair, and I sunk down into it. I had hardly put any weight on my leg at all, but it was enough. The pain was excruciating, worse than the original injury. I felt like the last week of trials had been for nothing, and I was right back where I'd started.
Dr. Johnson didn't seem too concerned about this most recent injury, and I wasn't sure why. He examined my knee again, nodding the whole time, and then explained what he had seen on the MRI. I had torn my ACL, my meniscus, bruised my bones, and stretched the tendon that runs down the inside of my knee. He said he wanted the soft tissue to heal before he decided what to do about the ACL and meniscus, and that he wanted to see me again in four weeks to decide whether or not I needed surgery. In the meantime, he recommended some stretching exercises, gave me some new pain medicine, and told me to stay off of it.
That was five days ago. Since then, I haven't hurt myself again, but I also haven't done much of anything. My biggest fear is that I will reinjure myself again and have to start all over. I'm avoiding that at all cost because this way of life really, really stinks.
If you've never been in a position before where you couldn't walk, you probably can't imagine what it's like, not really. I have a new appreciation for people who are permanently in this situation. I feel like I've always been understanding when it comes to people with mobility issues. After all, my grandmother whom I loved dearly, was born with two clubbed feet which limited her mobility for much of her life. I have a new understanding for what she went through now as well. I feel extremely lucky that this is temporary for me, but I also want to explain what this new situation is like for those of you who may not know and haven't put much thought into it. I know I hadn't really thought about it before, and I definitely took my ability to walk for granted. So, here's what it's like for me now.
My knee hurts most of the time, but that's not the biggest problem. I can't get up to do anything. There's no more jumping up to grab something, reaching things in high places, taking a step to drop something in the trash can. I can't go upstairs at my house, so I can't tuck my girls in or even pick out their clothes from their closets. I don't usually cook, but if I did, I wouldn't be able to reach the back burners. I have to be super careful around my dogs because they could jump up on my knee. I can't get in my laundry room, so I can't help there. I can do a little bit in the kitchen but not much. Taking a shower was a nightmare until Brian got me a special shower bench that actually goes out of the shower, and it's still not fun, but at least I likely won't get trapped in the shower again like I did a few nights ago--for an hour--because I couldn't get my good leg under me well enough to stand up. For the most part, my husband has to do everything around the house while taking care of me and the girls.
If I have to go to the bathroom, it's an ordeal that will take at least ten minutes, even if I'm close to a bathroom. I won't go into too much detail, but for example, if I have to go to the bathroom at work, there's really no one to help me. Maybe someone will open the door for me, but that's about it. There are bars on the wall, which help, but I have to wheel over, lock my chair, pull myself up, balance on one foot while I prepare to transfer to the toilet, take care of my business, and then, guess what--you need your knees to be pretty flexible to do some of the other things required before you're ready to hoist yourself up, balance on one leg while making yourself presentable, hopping/pivoting back to the wheelchair, etc. Luckily, it's easier to open the bathroom door to get out.
Probably the worst part of all, however, is the fact that I can't drive. I injured my right leg, and as of right now, I don't have the confidence in my ability to move it far enough or fast enough to go from the gas to the break. So Brian has to get up extra early to drive us an hour to school and then drive another forty-five minutes or so to his work and reverse the process in the evening. We have to stay at school until Brian gets off of work, which means an extra two hours of my girls' lives being sucked away each evening. This accident has definitely impacted the rest of my family.
I'm not sure how much longer I'll be in a chair. I'm hopeful I'll be able to put some weight on my leg once this tendon heals as I've read lots of stories from people with an ACL injury who could walk with a brace. Even the smallest amount of pressure on my leg hurts, and the last thing I want to do is start over again.
I go back to the doctor in about three weeks. I'm expecting I'll need a new MRI. He said it may be an additional four week after that before he knows whether or not he will recommend surgery. A lot of people are saying they can't believe he won't just schedule it, but I guess some new studies done in the past few years show that about 50% of ACL injuries don't require surgery, especially in older people who are not athletes. I think that includes me, but I am not optimistic. I expect I will need surgery, which could mean another 12 weeks of recovery after that.
I could still be struggling with this at the beginning of next school year.
There have been a lot of tragedies close to home lately, and this is not one of them. As I watch the news reports about a teacher from our town whose husband and two children were killed in a horrific accident, I am reminded that my life could be much, much worse. This blog post is not at all an attempt to gain sympathy, but there are a few things I would like for everyone to take away from it. First of all, don't take things for granted. You could lose what you have in the blink of an eye. Secondly, be kind to others who may need your help. Try your best to put yourself in the position of others whenever possible. You never know when you might end up where they are.
My family could really use your prayers and well-wishes over the next few weeks as I continue to be immobile and my family continues to fill in the gaps. I greatly appreciate everyone who has helped us out so far; even going out of your way to hold the door open for me is much appreciated. I especially want to thank my sweet friend Sidney who brought her wheelchair over for me on day three. Without it, things would be so much more difficult. You are a blessing, my friend, and I'm so glad God brought you in to my life! My co-workers and students have been incredibly helpful as well. Of course, my husband and children have been amazing, and specific prayers for their strength and patience are much appreciated.
If you've read this long, thank you for your dedication! I will try to keep this updated on our status. If there's one thing I can still do, it's write! So I intend to do so! If you can, do a little dance for me today, and thank your knees. They're more important than you may realize.
I was watching Lucy's T-ball game on a Saturday, just a couple of weeks ago, back when everything was normal. It was early, and she was not being very cooperative. She didn't want to play. I'd already given her a couple of stern talking-tos. But when she refused to play catcher because the helmet was hurting her head, I had, had enough. I was about to go give her what for. I was sitting on the top row of the bleachers, walked down a few steps and thought, "I can make it from here." After all, there were people sitting along the bottom portion, and there was really no reason to make them get up.
I've always gotten pain in my ankles when I jump from higher than about a foot. Even when I was a little kid, this was a common occurrence. But that's not what happened. As soon as I landed, I knew something was wrong. My right knee seemed to slide several inches to the right, out of socket. I fell to the ground in pain. By the time I landed, it seemed to have gone back into place. I didn't even open my eyes to see who the kind people who had come to my aid were, but they assured me it was in it's socket. Nevertheless, the pain was almost intolerable, and I knew there was no way I was going to be walking out of there.
A lot of people ran over to help. One of them brought a chair, someone went to get ice. I'm not exactly sure what was going on around me. I was crying--more out of embarrassment than actual pain, if I'm honest. I imagined all four games had stopped so that people could gawk at me. I kept my eyes closed and my head in my hands as my husband tried to figure out how to get me out of there. I refused an ambulance. When I finally did open my eyes, I realized the games had continued and hardly anyone was even paying attention, though the people who were only did so because they were trying to help. Eventually, the commissioner gave Brian permission to drive his truck up to where I still sat, now in a chair, a few feet away from the bleachers, still crying, still hiding my face. Imma sat next to me on the ground as Brian ran off to get his truck, asking me the same questions I was asking myself. "What happened, Mommy? Why did you jump? What happened to your knee? Are you okay? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"
I wish I had an answer. It seemed pretty simple; hop off the bleachers, go talk to Lu, straighten her out, come back and watch the game. Oh, then, after the game was over we had plans to stop at the doughnut shop on the way home before I had a full day of house cleaning and laundry to tend to. Later, I would probably watch a movie with the girls. Very few of those things happened. We did watch a movie--much later.
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| These are the exact bleachers I jumped from--third row up. Doesn't look that far, does it? |
It took a couple of people to get me up into Brian's truck. My knee was swollen and painful. I couldn't put any weight on it. Once I was finally in, he went off to get Lucy, who had no idea what was happening just a few yards away. Then, we were all off to the emergency room as I continued to cry and apologize, and my family assured me it was fine and I had nothing to apologize for.
As we rode along the fifteen or so miles to the closest hospital I cared to go to, all kinds of thoughts played through my mind. Was my kneecap dislocated? Did I break something? Would I need surgery? How quickly could I walk again? Could I drive? I had no idea about any of those things. The pain was bad, but it wasn't excruciating anymore. I began to think maybe it was nothing at all. Maybe I was just a big baby. But, on the other hand, I knew I couldn't walk.
When we finally arrived at the emergency room, a nurse came out with a wheelchair to collect me, and then there was a lot of explaining what had happened to several different people. Eventually, I was wheeled into a room and saw a few other people, explained again, and asked for something for the pain which was promised but not delivered for a really long time. The X-ray technician was very sweet, but insisted I do a lot of things I couldn't do with my knee without causing severe pain, but I did them anyway. Shortly after she left, my knee went into spasm. It shook and jerked around off and on for at least ten minutes. By the time the doctor came in, it had stopped. When she went to examine it, my pain had subsided quite a bit, from about a seven to a four, and I could actually bend it as much as she wanted me to. Once again, I thought maybe I was fine.
She looked at the X-rays and told me I hadn't broken any bones, but she couldn't see anything else--tendons, ligaments, etc. She said it could be something as simple as a sprained tendon, or I could have torn my ACL. I was pretty sure that wasn't the case. Wouldn't I be writhing around in pain if it were? She gave me a knee immobilizer, some crutches, some pain medicine (at last) and told me to stay off of it for a week. If it still hurt after that, I should see an ortho.
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| I learned pretty quickly that crutches are not my thing. |
Brian wheeled me out to the truck, and after some acrobatics, I was able to get into the truck, and eventually, home. Getting into the house was also a feat I still question. Before too long, I was on my couch, still unsure of what was wrong or how long it would take to fix.
I was hopeful that I would be walking again soon, but even the smallest amount of weight was not only terrifying, it was painful. So a few days later, I went to see Dr. Johnson, an ortho. After a close inspection, he said he couldn't really tell what was wrong and listed all of the possibilities I had already read about online. He recommended an MRI. He suggested I stay off of it and even wrote a note that I couldn't stand at work. I would see him again as soon as the MRI was back.
Two days later, I went to get my MRI. I'd never had one before and was a little worried. The place I went to, Preferred Imaging in Plano, was in a strip mall, which was a little scary to me. But as soon as I rolled into the waiting room, I knew it was a reputable place. It looked like a spa. And while the experience of the MRI was not fun to say the least, the people were very nice, which made it better.
Imma had an MRI once last year when she was very sick and we didn't know what was wrong, so I'd seen a machine before, but hers was open and this was not. I was relieved to find out I would only be in the machine from the waist down. Just getting on the bed, however, was challenging. The technician was very helpful, and before I knew it, I was laying on my back with my legs in a machine, headphones on to help drown out the loud jackhammering noise of the machine, trying not to move. Have you ever been in a situation where you are not allowed to move a muscle? It's extremely difficult. The more I told my knee to stay still, the more it wanted to move. There were several times when it went into involuntary spasm, probably because it had to stay straighter than it had been in a few days. I apologized to the tech for moving, but she understood that there was nothing I could do about it. In about thirty minutes, it was over, and my husband wheeled me back to the car, DVD for the doctor in hand. This would tell us what was wrong with my knee.
I couldn't get in to see Dr. Johnson again for a few days. By then, I thought I was getting really good at using the walker he had recommended. In fact, I was now able to put a bit of weight on my injured right leg. I was doing just that in order to hop out the door on my way to visit Dr. Johnson one morning when I heard another pop and instantly felt like I was going to throw up; I'd done it again. Brian brought me a chair, and I sunk down into it. I had hardly put any weight on my leg at all, but it was enough. The pain was excruciating, worse than the original injury. I felt like the last week of trials had been for nothing, and I was right back where I'd started.
Dr. Johnson didn't seem too concerned about this most recent injury, and I wasn't sure why. He examined my knee again, nodding the whole time, and then explained what he had seen on the MRI. I had torn my ACL, my meniscus, bruised my bones, and stretched the tendon that runs down the inside of my knee. He said he wanted the soft tissue to heal before he decided what to do about the ACL and meniscus, and that he wanted to see me again in four weeks to decide whether or not I needed surgery. In the meantime, he recommended some stretching exercises, gave me some new pain medicine, and told me to stay off of it.
That was five days ago. Since then, I haven't hurt myself again, but I also haven't done much of anything. My biggest fear is that I will reinjure myself again and have to start all over. I'm avoiding that at all cost because this way of life really, really stinks.
If you've never been in a position before where you couldn't walk, you probably can't imagine what it's like, not really. I have a new appreciation for people who are permanently in this situation. I feel like I've always been understanding when it comes to people with mobility issues. After all, my grandmother whom I loved dearly, was born with two clubbed feet which limited her mobility for much of her life. I have a new understanding for what she went through now as well. I feel extremely lucky that this is temporary for me, but I also want to explain what this new situation is like for those of you who may not know and haven't put much thought into it. I know I hadn't really thought about it before, and I definitely took my ability to walk for granted. So, here's what it's like for me now.
My knee hurts most of the time, but that's not the biggest problem. I can't get up to do anything. There's no more jumping up to grab something, reaching things in high places, taking a step to drop something in the trash can. I can't go upstairs at my house, so I can't tuck my girls in or even pick out their clothes from their closets. I don't usually cook, but if I did, I wouldn't be able to reach the back burners. I have to be super careful around my dogs because they could jump up on my knee. I can't get in my laundry room, so I can't help there. I can do a little bit in the kitchen but not much. Taking a shower was a nightmare until Brian got me a special shower bench that actually goes out of the shower, and it's still not fun, but at least I likely won't get trapped in the shower again like I did a few nights ago--for an hour--because I couldn't get my good leg under me well enough to stand up. For the most part, my husband has to do everything around the house while taking care of me and the girls.
If I have to go to the bathroom, it's an ordeal that will take at least ten minutes, even if I'm close to a bathroom. I won't go into too much detail, but for example, if I have to go to the bathroom at work, there's really no one to help me. Maybe someone will open the door for me, but that's about it. There are bars on the wall, which help, but I have to wheel over, lock my chair, pull myself up, balance on one foot while I prepare to transfer to the toilet, take care of my business, and then, guess what--you need your knees to be pretty flexible to do some of the other things required before you're ready to hoist yourself up, balance on one leg while making yourself presentable, hopping/pivoting back to the wheelchair, etc. Luckily, it's easier to open the bathroom door to get out.
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| I didn't expect to end up in one of these for another fifty years or so. At least it's temporary! |
Probably the worst part of all, however, is the fact that I can't drive. I injured my right leg, and as of right now, I don't have the confidence in my ability to move it far enough or fast enough to go from the gas to the break. So Brian has to get up extra early to drive us an hour to school and then drive another forty-five minutes or so to his work and reverse the process in the evening. We have to stay at school until Brian gets off of work, which means an extra two hours of my girls' lives being sucked away each evening. This accident has definitely impacted the rest of my family.
I'm not sure how much longer I'll be in a chair. I'm hopeful I'll be able to put some weight on my leg once this tendon heals as I've read lots of stories from people with an ACL injury who could walk with a brace. Even the smallest amount of pressure on my leg hurts, and the last thing I want to do is start over again.
I go back to the doctor in about three weeks. I'm expecting I'll need a new MRI. He said it may be an additional four week after that before he knows whether or not he will recommend surgery. A lot of people are saying they can't believe he won't just schedule it, but I guess some new studies done in the past few years show that about 50% of ACL injuries don't require surgery, especially in older people who are not athletes. I think that includes me, but I am not optimistic. I expect I will need surgery, which could mean another 12 weeks of recovery after that.
I could still be struggling with this at the beginning of next school year.
There have been a lot of tragedies close to home lately, and this is not one of them. As I watch the news reports about a teacher from our town whose husband and two children were killed in a horrific accident, I am reminded that my life could be much, much worse. This blog post is not at all an attempt to gain sympathy, but there are a few things I would like for everyone to take away from it. First of all, don't take things for granted. You could lose what you have in the blink of an eye. Secondly, be kind to others who may need your help. Try your best to put yourself in the position of others whenever possible. You never know when you might end up where they are.
My family could really use your prayers and well-wishes over the next few weeks as I continue to be immobile and my family continues to fill in the gaps. I greatly appreciate everyone who has helped us out so far; even going out of your way to hold the door open for me is much appreciated. I especially want to thank my sweet friend Sidney who brought her wheelchair over for me on day three. Without it, things would be so much more difficult. You are a blessing, my friend, and I'm so glad God brought you in to my life! My co-workers and students have been incredibly helpful as well. Of course, my husband and children have been amazing, and specific prayers for their strength and patience are much appreciated.
If you've read this long, thank you for your dedication! I will try to keep this updated on our status. If there's one thing I can still do, it's write! So I intend to do so! If you can, do a little dance for me today, and thank your knees. They're more important than you may realize.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Christmas Tornado Update
Every single time we drive down the highway that leads to our subdivision, one of my daughters asks a question or makes a comment about the tornado. Every single time. And it's been about five weeks since the tragedy. Today, it was an innocent remark from my five-year-old. "Mommy, tornado and tomato sound the same, don't they?" Yes, baby, they do. Please stop thinking about the tornado. But, of course she can't stop thinking about it when there's still debris every where, when our neighbors' houses still don't have roofs, when we drive past what appears to be a demilitarized zone every day on the way to school as the construction companies do their best to tear down an entire apartment complex that was decapitated by the tornado that swept through Garland on the same night its relative visited us. No, she can't be expected to put it all out of her mind when it's still staring her in the face every day.
She asks questions like, "What color was the tornado? I bet it wasn't pink because pink is nice." Or "Did our house that we used to live in get tored up by the tornado?" Any time we see a building under construction, she just assumes it is because the tornado ruined it. And while Imma doesn't ask as many questions, I hear what she is not asking in her silence. The bottom line is my children don't feel safe--and I hate that. Because, while I can install an alarm, lock my doors, get a really big guard dog and a gun, there's absolutely nothing I can do the next time the wind decides to turn into a monster.
We are getting a safe room installed in our closet under the stairs. It will be in by the end of March. Not surprisingly, the company that installs them is very backed up right now. We looked at several options, and while it would have been cheaper to get a small storm shelter outside, we feel like this is a better choice for us. It will be inside our house, which should make it even safer, and we won't have to worry about going outside in a storm to get to it. Here's to hoping the sever weather holds off until it's installed, because even if there's no threat of tornadoes in our area, the second it starts to thunder again, my children are going to freak out--and so am I.
I'm still jumpy at the sound of a brisk wind, or an unexpected loud noise. I find myself looking twice at anything that looks out of place or suspicious. Sometimes I even question buildings under construction or areas along the road that look slightly different. And I'm thirty-something years old. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for those who lost everything, those still in hotels or sleeping on sofas--especially the children and the people who actually lost loved ones.
The tornado taught me a lot of lessons about things I never even pondered before. For example, did you know home owner's insurance does not cover debris removal out of your yard unless it came from your own home? Imagine that! Also, deductibles suck! Despite the fact that we had a relatively small amount of damage, this tornado is costing us quiet a bit because our deductible was so high. Also, it is difficult to replace an eight foot tall front door....
I also learned that we have amazing neighbors--and by neighbors I mean people who live within a few hours' driving distance. We had a ton of people come help clean up our yard--most of them I don't know and will probably never see again. I learned that our trash company, Barnes Waste Management, is incredible. They hauled off all of the debris the insurance company wouldn't cover---for free. The volunteers stackd it up and Barnes hauled it away. The people at my schools are also pretty amazing. I say schools because I had people show up from two schools ago--and I don't switch schools that often. Three worlds collided for me that day--but in a good way. And those who couldn't actually come and help gave us a gift card to help replace the girls' Christmas decorations that got trashed. How thoughtful is that?
It was confirmed for me a few weeks ago that one of Lucy's strengths is her Emotional Overexcitability. That may sound like a detriment (and in some ways it is) but what it really means is, much like her mother, she wears her heart on her sleeve. This is going to affect her because she feels other peoples' pain. She is not only sympathetic, she is empathetic. I understand that because I am exactly the same way. So it will take us a while to work through this. But we will. And while it may seem that we need a bit of perspective (after all, our house is relatively fine) it isn't that simple because in the midst of our own terror that there might be another tornado creeping around outside somewhere waiting to sneak up on our own house, we are also pondering what it must be like to be one of those four surviving children who lost their baby sister in the tornado, or our friends down the street who lost their home. We get that in a very real way. So don't see our tears and fears as selfishness; on the contrary, much of our dismay is on behalf of others.
One of the ways that I can work on my understanding and acceptance of the tornado is to write. It helps me process. It helps me resolve. And if my words are informative or comforting to others, then that makes them even more meaningful. While I am fully aware that 99.9% of the human population has completely moved on from the Christmas Tornadoes, I also realize there are still others out there, like this cute little girl next to me, who are still considering the what-ifs and the what-might-bes. Here's to hoping that pondering, preparation--and a whole lot of prayer--leave those questions unanswered indefinitely.
She asks questions like, "What color was the tornado? I bet it wasn't pink because pink is nice." Or "Did our house that we used to live in get tored up by the tornado?" Any time we see a building under construction, she just assumes it is because the tornado ruined it. And while Imma doesn't ask as many questions, I hear what she is not asking in her silence. The bottom line is my children don't feel safe--and I hate that. Because, while I can install an alarm, lock my doors, get a really big guard dog and a gun, there's absolutely nothing I can do the next time the wind decides to turn into a monster.
We are getting a safe room installed in our closet under the stairs. It will be in by the end of March. Not surprisingly, the company that installs them is very backed up right now. We looked at several options, and while it would have been cheaper to get a small storm shelter outside, we feel like this is a better choice for us. It will be inside our house, which should make it even safer, and we won't have to worry about going outside in a storm to get to it. Here's to hoping the sever weather holds off until it's installed, because even if there's no threat of tornadoes in our area, the second it starts to thunder again, my children are going to freak out--and so am I.
I'm still jumpy at the sound of a brisk wind, or an unexpected loud noise. I find myself looking twice at anything that looks out of place or suspicious. Sometimes I even question buildings under construction or areas along the road that look slightly different. And I'm thirty-something years old. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for those who lost everything, those still in hotels or sleeping on sofas--especially the children and the people who actually lost loved ones.
The tornado taught me a lot of lessons about things I never even pondered before. For example, did you know home owner's insurance does not cover debris removal out of your yard unless it came from your own home? Imagine that! Also, deductibles suck! Despite the fact that we had a relatively small amount of damage, this tornado is costing us quiet a bit because our deductible was so high. Also, it is difficult to replace an eight foot tall front door....
I also learned that we have amazing neighbors--and by neighbors I mean people who live within a few hours' driving distance. We had a ton of people come help clean up our yard--most of them I don't know and will probably never see again. I learned that our trash company, Barnes Waste Management, is incredible. They hauled off all of the debris the insurance company wouldn't cover---for free. The volunteers stackd it up and Barnes hauled it away. The people at my schools are also pretty amazing. I say schools because I had people show up from two schools ago--and I don't switch schools that often. Three worlds collided for me that day--but in a good way. And those who couldn't actually come and help gave us a gift card to help replace the girls' Christmas decorations that got trashed. How thoughtful is that?
It was confirmed for me a few weeks ago that one of Lucy's strengths is her Emotional Overexcitability. That may sound like a detriment (and in some ways it is) but what it really means is, much like her mother, she wears her heart on her sleeve. This is going to affect her because she feels other peoples' pain. She is not only sympathetic, she is empathetic. I understand that because I am exactly the same way. So it will take us a while to work through this. But we will. And while it may seem that we need a bit of perspective (after all, our house is relatively fine) it isn't that simple because in the midst of our own terror that there might be another tornado creeping around outside somewhere waiting to sneak up on our own house, we are also pondering what it must be like to be one of those four surviving children who lost their baby sister in the tornado, or our friends down the street who lost their home. We get that in a very real way. So don't see our tears and fears as selfishness; on the contrary, much of our dismay is on behalf of others.
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| This picture was taken about three hours before the tornado hit our neighborhood. |
One of the ways that I can work on my understanding and acceptance of the tornado is to write. It helps me process. It helps me resolve. And if my words are informative or comforting to others, then that makes them even more meaningful. While I am fully aware that 99.9% of the human population has completely moved on from the Christmas Tornadoes, I also realize there are still others out there, like this cute little girl next to me, who are still considering the what-ifs and the what-might-bes. Here's to hoping that pondering, preparation--and a whole lot of prayer--leave those questions unanswered indefinitely.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Five Things the Tornado Taught Me to do Differently Next Time
This is a follow up to my post from Sunday, the one where I relived the terror our family went through when our house was in the path of what we now know to be an EF3 tornado. You can read that story here. Luckily, my family is safe (save one chicken, RIP) and my house is okay. Our neighbors were not so lucky; directly across the street from us, two of our neighbors died as they tried to run for cover. Many of our neighbors didn't realize we were in the path of the storm. My family knew it was a possibility. I was a cynic while my husband was thinking worse case scenario. If it wasn't for him, I would have been upstairs with my girls when it hit. We still would have been all right because our home didn't take a direct hit, but if I had taken it seriously, like my husband did, there are some things I would have definitely done differently. And that's where this list comes in.
There are two things I want to say first, however. First of all, we will absolutely be buying a storm shelter--soon. A little over $3000 is positively worth it to make sure my family is safe. If you have the means necessary, I strongly suggest you get one, especially if your home has no interior rooms like ours, and/or no rooms without windows. Secondly, these suggestions might not work for you. These are things I would do differently if I had it all to do again and will do differently if I am in a similar situation with the time to get these things done safely before the storm hits. If you do not have time to consider any of these things, by all means, get you and your family to safety first.
1) Dress for success. When the tornado ripped through the other night, my girls and I were in our pajamas. It was the day after Christmas and we were chillin' watching a movie. It was about 7:00 PM. When we went to our shelter spot, the bathtub in our master bedroom, only my husband was dressed. The rest of us weren't even wearing shoes. In retrospect, I should have had the girls and myself dressed with shoes on, just in case we found ourselves in a situation where we had to leave the house immediately. Walking through broken glass, boards with nails sticking, up, etc. would be much easier with shoes. Also, if I had been in a situation where I was having to talk to emergency teams, I would have felt much more comfortable in actual clothes. I know this would probably have been one of the last things on my mind in an actual emergency, but if I have the time to dress appropriately next time, I will.
2) Grab my wallet. Most of the time, if I am out of my house, there are two things that are with me; my phone and my wallet. I had my phone but not my wallet. If we had been in a situation where one, or all, of us had to go to the hospital, it would have been easier if I had my wallet. We ended up going to a hotel that night because we didn't have power, but if we would have had to go to one because we had no house, having my wallet would have made it easier. Besides, knowing where your ID, credit cards, health insurance card, etc. are is always better than wondering who might have them.
3) Have my pets with me. When the storm hit (not the tornado, but the storm) two of our dogs freaked out. This is pretty typical. We usually put them in their kennels so they feel safe. This is where Duke and Kassidy were Saturday night. Barkley, our third dog, was loose. If our house had been wiped out by the tornado and Kassidy and Duke had been in their kennels, they likely would not have been able to get out and seek shelter. They could have been crushed. And even though Barkley was loose, two of our outside doors came open, and for a while I had no idea where our little seven pound friend was. (Turns out, he was under our bed.) Next time, I'll make sure they are with me and loose so that if they need to try to run away they can. I'd rather have them free and lost than smooshed. Although I would definitely try to keep them sheltered as well, I would have to choose holding on to my children before my pets, and instructed my children to hold on to the bathtub instead of a dog.
4) Bring "stuff" inside. We didn't have a lot of warning that a tornado was headed for our house, but we did have some warning that a storm capable of producing tornadoes was, and yet I left all of my Christmas decorations in the yard. I had plenty of time to bring them in if I'd been thinking about it. I also could have brought in several other items that we ended up loosing--like our trash cans, which could have been in the garage. If the tornado would have wiped out our house, it might not have mattered, but since it didn't, it would have been better if these things had been brought inside.
5) Call someone ahead of time who is out of the storm's range. If you live in a rural area, it might be a good idea to let someone out of the danger range know what is happening. We live on a pretty busy highway and have several neighbors, but if all of us had been incapacitated and unable to call for help, it might have taken first responders a long time to find out we needed assistance. In this particular situation, I was able to call 9-1-1 immediately, but a friend of mine also sent me a text as I was on the phone with the dispatcher. She had seen the path of the storm on the news and wanted to see if we were okay. Next time, I will let someone out of harms way know what is going on and make sure they know that if they don't hear from me intermittently, they need to check on us and possibly contact first responders. Yes, it is possible that I could just lose my signal and they could end up sending someone out to check on us when we are fine, but I think it's worth the risk to make sure someone knows to check on my family.
I think the most important thing to do is to think about what you will do in different scenarios well in advance of any immediate threat, have a plan in place, and carry through. Take every single possibility of danger as serious as possible, and don't wait to see what is going to happen--respond as if it will happen. We also need a plan for other catastrophes--like house fires and break-ins. I hate to scare my kids, but I also want to them to feel empowered in knowing we have a plan and that they know what to do in case of an emergency.
Does your family have a plan in place for a tornado? If so, what is it?
There are two things I want to say first, however. First of all, we will absolutely be buying a storm shelter--soon. A little over $3000 is positively worth it to make sure my family is safe. If you have the means necessary, I strongly suggest you get one, especially if your home has no interior rooms like ours, and/or no rooms without windows. Secondly, these suggestions might not work for you. These are things I would do differently if I had it all to do again and will do differently if I am in a similar situation with the time to get these things done safely before the storm hits. If you do not have time to consider any of these things, by all means, get you and your family to safety first.
1) Dress for success. When the tornado ripped through the other night, my girls and I were in our pajamas. It was the day after Christmas and we were chillin' watching a movie. It was about 7:00 PM. When we went to our shelter spot, the bathtub in our master bedroom, only my husband was dressed. The rest of us weren't even wearing shoes. In retrospect, I should have had the girls and myself dressed with shoes on, just in case we found ourselves in a situation where we had to leave the house immediately. Walking through broken glass, boards with nails sticking, up, etc. would be much easier with shoes. Also, if I had been in a situation where I was having to talk to emergency teams, I would have felt much more comfortable in actual clothes. I know this would probably have been one of the last things on my mind in an actual emergency, but if I have the time to dress appropriately next time, I will.
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| This is what Lu was wearing when we took shelter, sans the slippers. See the clouds in the background? Getting dark already. |
2) Grab my wallet. Most of the time, if I am out of my house, there are two things that are with me; my phone and my wallet. I had my phone but not my wallet. If we had been in a situation where one, or all, of us had to go to the hospital, it would have been easier if I had my wallet. We ended up going to a hotel that night because we didn't have power, but if we would have had to go to one because we had no house, having my wallet would have made it easier. Besides, knowing where your ID, credit cards, health insurance card, etc. are is always better than wondering who might have them.
3) Have my pets with me. When the storm hit (not the tornado, but the storm) two of our dogs freaked out. This is pretty typical. We usually put them in their kennels so they feel safe. This is where Duke and Kassidy were Saturday night. Barkley, our third dog, was loose. If our house had been wiped out by the tornado and Kassidy and Duke had been in their kennels, they likely would not have been able to get out and seek shelter. They could have been crushed. And even though Barkley was loose, two of our outside doors came open, and for a while I had no idea where our little seven pound friend was. (Turns out, he was under our bed.) Next time, I'll make sure they are with me and loose so that if they need to try to run away they can. I'd rather have them free and lost than smooshed. Although I would definitely try to keep them sheltered as well, I would have to choose holding on to my children before my pets, and instructed my children to hold on to the bathtub instead of a dog.
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| Kassidy, the black ball of fur, was in her kennel. Barkley, the other ball of fur, was loose and missing for a few minutes. |
4) Bring "stuff" inside. We didn't have a lot of warning that a tornado was headed for our house, but we did have some warning that a storm capable of producing tornadoes was, and yet I left all of my Christmas decorations in the yard. I had plenty of time to bring them in if I'd been thinking about it. I also could have brought in several other items that we ended up loosing--like our trash cans, which could have been in the garage. If the tornado would have wiped out our house, it might not have mattered, but since it didn't, it would have been better if these things had been brought inside.
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| Perhaps some of this should have been in the garage. |
5) Call someone ahead of time who is out of the storm's range. If you live in a rural area, it might be a good idea to let someone out of the danger range know what is happening. We live on a pretty busy highway and have several neighbors, but if all of us had been incapacitated and unable to call for help, it might have taken first responders a long time to find out we needed assistance. In this particular situation, I was able to call 9-1-1 immediately, but a friend of mine also sent me a text as I was on the phone with the dispatcher. She had seen the path of the storm on the news and wanted to see if we were okay. Next time, I will let someone out of harms way know what is going on and make sure they know that if they don't hear from me intermittently, they need to check on us and possibly contact first responders. Yes, it is possible that I could just lose my signal and they could end up sending someone out to check on us when we are fine, but I think it's worth the risk to make sure someone knows to check on my family.
I think the most important thing to do is to think about what you will do in different scenarios well in advance of any immediate threat, have a plan in place, and carry through. Take every single possibility of danger as serious as possible, and don't wait to see what is going to happen--respond as if it will happen. We also need a plan for other catastrophes--like house fires and break-ins. I hate to scare my kids, but I also want to them to feel empowered in knowing we have a plan and that they know what to do in case of an emergency.
Does your family have a plan in place for a tornado? If so, what is it?
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Our Night with the Twister: Living Through the North Texas Tornadoes
Yesterday was a pretty typical day-after Christmas. I am not a big fan of December 26th, never have been. I'd skip it all together if I could. It marks the beginning of the end of the holiday season, and I'd just as soon have winter be over altogether once Christmas has departed. So I slept in. I read a lot. And then I went upstairs to watch a movie, Aladdin, with two little girls who had spent most of the day playing with their new toys. I knew there was some sever weather in the area, whatever that means, but I have often been of the opinion that if a tornado did touch down, there was very little chance it would be anywhere near my house. So I invited my husband to come with us. But he declined, stoically staying outside where he could "keep an eye on things."
The genie hadn't even made his first appearance when my husband came upstairs and told us we needed to get downstairs now. The girls didn't want to come, having no idea why they should be alarmed. He said there were tornadoes on the ground in a city about twenty miles from us. I thought there was no reason to panic; we'd likely be fine, but I paused the movie and took the girls downstairs. They have spent a few minutes in the bathtub on a few other occasions and had no reason to think this would be any different than the last. We'd be upstairs before we knew it, watching Aladdin save the day.
Let me pause for a second to remember my own childhood. We had a basement in my mom's house, and I remember spending a few evenings down there waiting for storms to pass. I remember one frantic night my mom was out searching for us because she wasn't sure if we were with my dad or at my grandma's house--the sirens were going off when she burst through the door and grabbed my brother and me, taking us home to the always safe basement beneath our sturdy brick house. My dad didn't have a basement, and I distinctly remembering spending a few hours in a closet one time as he went in and out, checking to see if the storm had passed. I was terrified that time because there were bricks in the closet, and I was sure we would be buried beneath them for days. I was never in a house that got hit by a tornado, and I never saw a tornado, but I have had hundreds of dreams where I am looking out a window of a familiar house--my own, the one I grew up in, my grandma's, etc.--and there is a twister headed straight for me. I often try to hide, and sometimes I make it into a basement or beneath a stairwell, but sometimes I am sucked up into it, or a loved one is pulled away from my arms. I have always been afraid of tornadoes. But as I said, I never really came face to face with one--until last night.
But yesterday, I wasn't panicked. I didn't think for a moment that we would actually get hit by a tornado. I did the things I could to make sure my family was safe. We don't have a single interior room and only one with no windows. Because of the direction the storm was coming from, Brian told me to take the girls to our bathroom. Even though there is a large window, he thought it would be safer for them to be in the bathtub. So I put them in the bathtub with some toys, threw some blankets over them, grabbed some pillows, and waited. About five minutes later, my husband came running in and said there were power flashes on the ground. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I guessed it wasn't good. I could hear the wind picking up around us. I was still skeptical. He told me to lay down over the top of Lucy and he covered up Imma. I did as I was told, still thinking this was not happening. The next thing I knew, the whole house was shaking. I've heard people say that tornadoes sound like trains--it's true, they do. It was as if the Polar Express had shown up a couple of days too late. The windows were rattling, and I could hear all sorts of things hitting the house from every direction. I was waiting--waiting for the debris to hit, for the house to crumble, for the window to break, for the storm to attempt to rip my child from my very fingers. Then, after about ten to fifteen seconds, it was all over. I looked around, looked at my family, looked out the window. I could see all sorts of paraphernalia whipping about outside. And then I saw it--the twister--at least part of it, illuminated by lightning, and it appeared to be taking out our neighbors' house.
I had my phone in my pocket, and I pulled it out to call 9-1-1 as my husband ran outside to survey the damage. I let the responder know we were fine, but I was worried about my neighbors, and he sent help immediately. I went out into the living room, expecting there to be damage. There was very little. The doors had blown open--the backdoor and side door--and there were Christmas ornaments littering the ground, along with leaves and other debris. Other than that, the inside of house appeared to be fine. I thought it must have been a small tornado--nothing too horrible. I began to calm down a bit, hoping everything was fine.
My husband had gone outside, and even before he came back in to tell me, a sickening feeling hit me as I began to hear screams from across the street. Brian came back in and said, "It's bad--it's really bad." The gas station across the street from us was leveled. There were people trapped under the rubble. Our neighbors' houses across the street were falling over. The fireworks stand nearly toppled, trailers on their sides. Cars had been moved ten, twenty feet. Our yard was full of debris. We couldn't see the extent of it at the time, but it seemed to be everywhere. The top of the gatehouse, right outside of our yard, was missing. But the worst were the screams. And there was not much we could do. I stayed with the girls, and Brian went out to help. The first responders began to arrive, stopping at the gas station first; certainly this was the place where they were most needed. It turns out our neighbors next door had very little damage--two houses beyond that, the roof was torn off. This must have been what I saw from my window.
I'm glad I couldn't see what was happening at the gas station.
Two people died last night right across the street from my family as we were huddled in the bathtub. As I stood there bracing myself for the worst. praying aloud that Jesus would keep my family safe, another family was being crushed inside a convenience store. Our neighbors were in their hallway in a small wooden home, shaking for fear of the same thing happening to them. And this same angry storm would march up the road about twenty miles and claim the life of a newborn baby.
Tornadoes are finicky. They will demolish one house, skip a couple, take out a brick structure, leave a mobile home standing. My daughter claims they have eyes, that they are hunting, and that you must stay completely still and hide for them not to see you. While the thought is terrifying, I almost wish it was something so simple--something we could control. If everyone is still, then no one will get hurt. But it doesn't have eyes, and there is no way of knowing why my family was spared while others were destroyed. There's no way of knowing why we lost a few shingles while the sweet mother of a friend lost everything she had collected in eighty years of pious living.
We did what people do after catastrophes; we looked for people. The firefighters, EMTs, and police workers were doing their best to save those people across the street, and they got to a few of them in time. We didn't get in their way--we stood with our other neighbors and prayed. We talked about the things we couldn't believe--like how both of our trashcans full of garbage from Christmas, each weighing over sixty pounds, were completely gone while the glass patio table was just fine. People on the highway had stopped--they had to since there were first responders everywhere and downed power lines. Some of them got out of their cars and wandered around, almost as overwhelmed as we were. Others turned around, determined to find another path through. It was reassuring to see people--other lucky people like us. We shook our heads and mumbled about the things that didn't really matter, thanking God that we were alive, praying for the injured and for those still in the path of the storm.
With no power and two scared little girls, we decided to find a hotel for the night. It took a while to get out of our neighborhood, but even a few hours after the tornado had passed, I'm sure my eyes were still agape as we passed by the sight of the worst destruction. The gas station, daycare center, feed store, and at least four houses across the street were almost completely gone. It looked as if a bomb had gone off a few feet from our home.
None of us slept well last night. The girls had bad dreams--I could tell by the way they tossed and turned. I had some not so pleasant ones as well, though they were not of tornadoes. Even subconsciously, I was asking the deeper questions. Why were we okay when others were not? Was our home really unharmed, and if so, how was that fair?
But there's no fair--there's no distinguishing what one did or did not do to "deserve" a pardon from a tornado. Did I pray harder than the sweet old man who lost his life across the street? I doubt it. Were we in a more strongly built home? Possibly. But I think we just caught the corner of what we now know was an EF2 or EF3 tornado estimated to be about a half a mile wide. It jumped and twirled and danced its way down the street in a macabre fashion, leaving those who prayed hard and those who didn't pray at all equally victimized or absolved in its wake. I do thank God that we are okay, but I don't think that my prayers had anything to do with it. I do think that mercy had everything to do with it. We didn't deserve to die; we didn't deserve to be spared. The same can be said for the victims who lost everything.
We are about to embark on our second night of our hotel stay. I have two little girls who are afraid of loud noises, afraid it's another "tormato" out to get them. They are bored, they are confused, they are tired. They want to go home and play with their Christmas presents. They don't understand what "the power" is and why it being out has anything to do with them. And while they will probably be terrified of "tormatoes" for the rest of their lives, they do not understand the gravity of what they've just been through, a detail I am thankful for.
Today, I feel lucky, and thankful, and blessed, and humbled. I am thankful for good friends who volunteered their time to help, though there's not much anyone can do right now. I am prayerful for the people who still need our prayers--and our money, donations, and time. I am hopeful that those missing pets will find them soon and thankful that while we are missing a chicken, our dogs are safe. Our children are safe. And in the daylight today, we were able to determine that our home is safe.
We will have to wait for insurance adjusters to survey our damage to minor things--like shingles and the fence--but other people have no home; they have loved ones that were ripped from their fingertips. They have lost everything. Those people need our prayers and whatever we can give. What do I need? Well, right now, I will certainly accept prayers for my children, that they feel safe and loved, that they can go home soon. Other than that, the only other thing I may need is something I can only give myself--absolution. And like everyone who has ever asked the questions, "Why me? Why not me?" that will take time. Please continue to pray for the victims of the tornadoes in all of the communities effected this week. In Texas, that includes Garland, Rowlett, Blue Springs, Sunnyvale, Ovilla, and my small town of Copeville. If you can, please donate to the Red Cross or any of the GoFundMe accounts set up, like the one for my former student's family, which you can find here. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and God bless each of you and keep you safe.
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| This used to be a gas station and convenience store. |
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| One piece of our fence is missing. Just one. |
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| Our bbq pit is on top of our fire pit, next to a perfectly intact glass patio table. |
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| The fireworks stand across the highway. |
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| The gatehouse right in front of our yard, missing its top. |
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| Our front yard and pond littered with debris. |
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| Our neighbors had very little damage either. |
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| A piece of aluminum or metal wrapped around one of our trees. |
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| One of the monsters that cut across North Texas last night, leaving at least 11 dead. |
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| Please continue to pray for our town. |
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
What If You Are Wrong?
Most of the time, when it comes to social arguments, political debates, etc., I choose silence over being offensive or making other people feel uncomfortable. I think a lot of Christian, conservative women such as myself feel the same way. However, in light of the recent Senate decision to continue to fund Planned Parenthood, I decided I needed to speak up. I've been silent about this issue long enough. I, for one, no longer feel comfortable simply making other people feel comfortable.
And yet, my proposal is not targeted at starting debate or controversy. In fact, I don't even want an answer to my question. Instead, I would like for everyone who reads this who happens to think that life begins at birth, or has some other level of understanding regarding why abortion should remain legal, to ask him or herself one simple question--What if you are wrong?
That's all--simple enough.
And I don't mean start telling me (or whomever) all of the reasons why you couldn't possibly be wrong. There are definitely situations when you might need to be able to defend your opinion to someone else, but in this instance, I would like for you to just assume you are wrong for a moment--and I will do the same.
Someday, I will stand before God in all of His glory. If He looks me in the eye and says, "You know Amy, abortion was fine. Life doesn't start until a baby is born." I can honestly say I wouldn't feel bad for the stance I have taken. I can look our creator in the eye and say, "Oh, okay. Thanks for clearing that up."
But, if I were pro-Choice and I had to stand before the creator someday and He looked me in the eyes and said, "Abortion is murder. Every time you spoke up to defend Planned Parenthood, a woman's right to choose, or to blast a Pro-Life person, you were contributing to murder," I would have a different response. Likewise, if I were to actually have an abortion, work at an abortion clinic, or perform abortions, I don't think I'd want to stand before God and hearHim say those words.
I could go into all of the reasons why I know that a baby is alive long before he or she exits his or her mother's body. Having given birth twice, it seems pretty obvious to me. But that's not my objective here. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything with this post. I just want you to think about it. If you are wrong, are you okay with that? If you are, well, then, there's probably not a lot I could say to convince you otherwise anyway. But, if there's a shadow of a doubt in your mind, perhaps you need to do some more thinking--and praying.
And to those who don't believe in God, even the negative Karma abortion may be sending out into the universe should be enough to make you stop and question.
I expect negative comments and responses, and I may or may not respond to them. But all I'm really asking is for you to think about it....
And yet, my proposal is not targeted at starting debate or controversy. In fact, I don't even want an answer to my question. Instead, I would like for everyone who reads this who happens to think that life begins at birth, or has some other level of understanding regarding why abortion should remain legal, to ask him or herself one simple question--What if you are wrong?
That's all--simple enough.
And I don't mean start telling me (or whomever) all of the reasons why you couldn't possibly be wrong. There are definitely situations when you might need to be able to defend your opinion to someone else, but in this instance, I would like for you to just assume you are wrong for a moment--and I will do the same.
Someday, I will stand before God in all of His glory. If He looks me in the eye and says, "You know Amy, abortion was fine. Life doesn't start until a baby is born." I can honestly say I wouldn't feel bad for the stance I have taken. I can look our creator in the eye and say, "Oh, okay. Thanks for clearing that up."
But, if I were pro-Choice and I had to stand before the creator someday and He looked me in the eyes and said, "Abortion is murder. Every time you spoke up to defend Planned Parenthood, a woman's right to choose, or to blast a Pro-Life person, you were contributing to murder," I would have a different response. Likewise, if I were to actually have an abortion, work at an abortion clinic, or perform abortions, I don't think I'd want to stand before God and hearHim say those words.
I could go into all of the reasons why I know that a baby is alive long before he or she exits his or her mother's body. Having given birth twice, it seems pretty obvious to me. But that's not my objective here. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything with this post. I just want you to think about it. If you are wrong, are you okay with that? If you are, well, then, there's probably not a lot I could say to convince you otherwise anyway. But, if there's a shadow of a doubt in your mind, perhaps you need to do some more thinking--and praying.
And to those who don't believe in God, even the negative Karma abortion may be sending out into the universe should be enough to make you stop and question.
I expect negative comments and responses, and I may or may not respond to them. But all I'm really asking is for you to think about it....
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